I’m just a girl. I’m just a girl who dreams for someone to come save me. I’m just a girl who hopes for a bright future. I’m just a girl who wants a simple life. 

I realized that the only reason everyone yearns for a relationship is because they want to feel secure. They want someone to care and love them as they deserve. They want at least one person, a special someone, who would be there no matter what. Someone that would try to understand their pain. Someone who would accept their flaws and imperfections. Someone who would love them as they are. However, with all these things set, it’s hard to find “the one.” We set up these high standards on finding a perfect girlfriend/boyfriend that we don’t bother to even know them completely as they are. Some of us are so selfish that we care more about how we think and feel of being in the relationship, instead of just appreciating what you have with the other person and see what’s actually there.

Those moments when you just feel so insecure about yourself. It really gets to me. Like sometimes I literally try to change to look nicer, but I’m just so awkward it looks weird. So why should I even try. I hangout with perf people at school and I’m just always there. Seriously. Everyday, I hear people complementing them on how their hair looks nice or how their outfit is cute. And I’m just there. I’m always just there. I need new friends. Friends that are just average looking like I am, lol.

-sabrinaaah:

Half of me feels guilty and all I want to do is hug you tight whenever you feel lonely and just tell you that I have cared for you and I still do. But the other half is like fuck you because why should I care when I got hurt as well.

I don’t see why a guy and a girl can’t just be friends. Why must people put color into it, when really there’s nothing. Just because I’m close with a guy, just because I talk or hangout with him. It doesn’t mean there has to be romantic things involved. This is exactly why sometimes I prefer having guy friends more. Girls bring up these type of stuff and make a such a big deal out of it.

If only you knew how much I go through just to be there for you. And sometimes I just wish you see that too. Because it seems like you don’t even care. You ignore the people that are actually there for you. You try to get someone else’s attention, who may or may not even care. Honestly, you’re such a jerk face. You deserve to know that. I deserve to tell you that. But I never did because I know how sensitive or emotional you can be. If only you knew how much people actually care. You put too much on yourself. You keep letting your mistakes define you. That’s why you’re constantly being sad. Nothing is ever gonna change if you keep doing that. I say this because I know enough to say it. And that says a lot. I just hope you know how much you mean to me. Because personally, no matter how many times you mess up, no matter how many times you make me feel like shit, I can’t stay mad. You’re a good person. A good friend. All this unexpected events just affected you so much that it cause you to do things that you shouldn’t have. I don’t want you to go through what I did. That’s why I’m trying to be there for you. But sometimes I just feel so stupid constantly asking if you’re okay. I check up on you every single freaking time. And I just don’t want you to think I’m only doing that because you’re sad. I was there even when you were actually happy. But I guess people only show it when you’re sad. You only notice it when you’re sad.

I can never be good enough. Even when I try. I don’t know what I should be anymore. As much as I want to be able to do things that I desire and dream to do, I always tend to fall and fail. I don’t know. I can’t blame anyone. And I hate myself for not pushing myself. I just hate myself so much. I just want to give up. Besides, no one is ever gonna be there when you’re at this point. Sometimes I just want to scream for help so someone would save me. But I don’t. Everyone has their own problems. No one will ever care for me. They would want to save theirselves first. I hate myself because I care more for others, more than myself. And it affects me, it hurts me. It changes the way things should be. I miss those days of loneliness. Can I just be invisible for a while?

I’m not usually the girl that everyone notices. And I’m fine with that. I don’t like attention. Attention makes me feel more and more insecure about myself. I always worry that everyone would secretly think of some insult to say about me, and I just don’t know how I would stand up for myself once I find out. So really, I could care less of attention. All that matters to me is that I live my life the way I want it, without any disturbance over something that would make me feel wrong of what I’m doing.